I can't remember

By now I can't remember what it was that I was going to write about. I lay awake next to you, my son, last night watching you breathe and there were two things, poignant and deeply stirring within me that needed to be put in words. More than words, feelings most likely that I wanted to corral. And now I've forgotten all about them. They're there, lurking, lingering beyond my consious thoughts and will probably spill out when I bend over to pick you up. Returning your smile.

My smiley baby. Never a cry for no reason. And I respond as soon as I can, so that you don't think I'm not listening, or that I forgot. Roots and Wings, I told myself, when you were born, those were the two things that I would concentrate on, your whole life. Roots that go deep, so that you would always know where "home" is, and Wings to fly, to find your own way.

I love when I laugh loudly, it scares you and then you look at me and laugh, because it is funnier than it was scary. That makes me feel like you have already been given a good start on humor. And there are always the mornings, my regular little man, when your eyes lock on, you hold your breath and then.....pppppphhhhhfffftttttttttttthhh. I giggle hopelessly every time and your daddy and I always say we're going to video tape that to be shown at your 16th birthday bash. There are so many things to love about you. Even your tantrums, which you threw a doozie yesterday in the DMV, after waiting for better than an hour with me, in your carrier, mostly sleeping on my chest. But you were determined to REALLY tell me how you felt. You hadn't forgotten that I listen. We got through it, and I was proud of myself that I wasn't ashamed of my crying baby, too worried about what others might think, and I held my place in line. By the time we got to the clerk, you were smiling at the Indian kid behind us. You little Corker.

I'll probably forget a lot more than I'll remember, but you can bet the memories will be infused with love and laughter, not matter what. I will never forget how much I love you.