don't try this at home

Here was the list of things to do yesterday: (WITH the three year old)

• truck inspection (but they weren't there - wasted 4 miles worth of gas
• get gas (right arm and leg are now gone)
• take aluminum cans to recycler (to scrounge more gas money)
• post office (mail package, priority mail envelope and get stamps all while holding sleeping three year old
• McDonalds - must have happy meal WITH toy or WWIII will break out. Seriously.
• dr. appt. for Mommy so she can get her hearing fixed (although later in the day may wish she couldn't hear anything at all)
• wal-mart, the phrase alone strikes fear into the hearts of women with toddlers everywhere. some without toddlers fear it too.

Yeah, so let's expound on wal-mart.. (i'm too tired to capitalize and puntuate properly) "I just need a few things". The six most dangerous words of the english language (as compared to the FIVE most dangerous words; maybe this will go away) when it comes to discount or warehouse/clubhouse shopping.

I needed a birthday card. Check

I needed some cold/allergy medication. Check (oh, did I mention the three year old also has a cold? yeah.)

I needed to exchange a pair of shorts for a smaller size (YAY!!) but, could not find them in the size i needed, so settled somewhat grumpily for the capri version of the same maker/model/fit.

I needed bananas, milk, peanut butter and half-n-half. Check.

what I did NOT need was the new seasonal aisle RIGHT THERE in the middle of the store - 3 aisles WIDE and 2 blocks DEEP woth LOTS of bright COLORS and advertising the candy. Yes, they are officially halloweenie'ing. (i call it halloweenie becuase i hate it. i get extremely annoyed with the word even)

that was all the toddler needed. it was five 'o clock. we were both starving. daddy is already home, wondering where we are (read: where his supper is) and suddenly, everyone, their mother, and their cousin is in line.

right next to the candy display.

he screamed the whole time.

and you know, there aren't many things more frustrating and infuriating than not being able to discipline your child in public for fear of some crunchy-anti-spanking-baby-wearing-cloth-diapering person come whisking over your way to tell you how to deal with YOUR CHILD. From YOUR WOMB.

it was complete with snotty nose and all. at one point he realized he could blow bubbles with his snot. the nice lady behind me handed me a kleenex (one. she handed me one when we were clearly having a snot blowout. maybe she wasn't so nice) and I promptly wrestled him still enough to grab the glob of snot from his face and throw it away.

more screaming. I totally ignored him. the entire time. then I started giggling. and before long it was almost incontrollable belly laughter.

i'm starting to hyperventilate just reliving it. here. at home.

anyways. don't try this at home folks.

just leave wal-mart off the list entirely and you'll be a better mom for it.